


The Highway Don't Need You Here, but I Do

by micvelio



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Car Accidents, Character Death, Drug Abuse, Drunk Driving, Im not good at tagging, Larry Stylinson Is Real, Loving Harry, M/M, One Shot, Please read and comment, Sad Louis, Short One Shot, Suicide Attempt, harry/louis - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-16
Updated: 2016-11-16
Packaged: 2018-08-31 07:22:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,261
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8569465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/micvelio/pseuds/micvelio
Summary: The past or the future. These two battle inside of Louis as he sits on this haunted road, with haunted memories. And he's not to sure if he deserves a future with a past like his.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Please read with the awareness that the story states the usage of alcohol and drugs. There is car crashes, death and attempted suicide. You know yourself better than anyone, read if you want, don't read if you want. 
> 
> You can find me on  
> Tumblr: micvelio  
> instagram: accept_thefeels  
> twitter: 18__spaces
> 
> enjoy :)

 

He could do it. Right here, right now. On the dirt road, absent of light or breath. The car vibrates underneath his fingertips, shaking his bones more than the cold air spitting at his cheeks. With the window down, he hears the engine purr into the night. Louis glances at the clock, 1:04. Everyone, his family, which was littered with adolescent siblings, would be in bed, dreading the next school day. His roommate, who had work in the morning, would receive a phone call before dawn, waking them from a deep sleep. Deep sleep. Something Louis wanted more than anything.

He could do it. His hands shake as he put the car into drive. He looks at the clock again. 1:19. No one has entered the dirt road he settles on. His phone sits in the cup holder, aimed at him, the screen as dark as the air around him. His headlights shine into the trees, cascading shadows on the sleeping forest. The area was surrounded by tall trees with low hanging branches.

He could do it. He lifts his foot from the brake, finally giving relief to the flooding of red in the woods behind him. It’s 1:23. Louis takes in a shaking breath, one that aches his throat and tightens his chest. A breath that is a disguise for a sob. His hidden sob is devoured by the engine, as he slams his shoe onto the petal. Rocks scatter into the ditch, branches break under the car, and his vehicle jets down the dirt road. The red dial lifts in front of him 5, 10, 12, 14.

Could he do it? With Liam and Zayn planning to check in on him in the morning before work. Every morning. Like clockwork. In exactly seven hours and four minutes in fact. And Niall will answer the door, to deliver the news. 18, 21, 25, 29. Could he give them more pain? Louis dares a glance at the clock, 1:26.

Could he do it? As the tree trunks become obsolete, Louis imagines his mother’s eyes; that were once a rich blue color, clouded with tears, completely replaced with cold, dead gray. He had seen those eyes before, after it happened. They were so filled with devastation. The dial spikes; 35, 37, 38. He imagines his whole family with the same eyes. But it would be what he was used to. Every few years when he got enough courage to visit, the strength, he has seen these eyes. Could he give _them_ more pain?

He has to do it. Get it over with. The pain, the guilt, the suffering he has tolerated, barely, is eating him alive. It only seems fair. An eye for an eye. 41, 43, 44. A constant reminder. That’s what he felt like. A souvenir of pain. He can feel the tail end of the car swerve when he lightly moved the wheel. 48, 49, 51. He was getting closer, he knows he is. He has taken this road for years. Well until _it_ happened. After, he never traveled through the dirt of this path. 55, 58, 59.

He will do it. Here, on the same road, same time. The clock ticks to 1:34. The engine whines, in the similar way it did then. At least that’s how he imagines it, he does not remember. 59, 60, 61.

A chime fills the car. A light shines onto his elbow, the phone vibrating along with the car. Louis chances a glance. The number appears, a name written above, and he lets out another cry. He had forgotten about him. The strange man he meet not even six months ago, with the curly hair and sly smile. Another constant reminder. With blurry eyes, Louis tries for the button to end the call on his steering wheel. But the road, it’s too bumpy, the car is going too fast, and his finger slips to the button above.

“Sorry, to call this late.” Comes his voice in a slow tone. Soft. Gentle. Real. Louis doesn’t respond, just listens and looks at the road. A lot of their many conversations are like this, he talks and Louis listens. “And I know I should wait until morning. But I’ve been thinking about what you said earlier.” Pain whips at Louis’ heart, the same way it did then. “I disagree Lou. I completely and utterly disagree. I don’t know what you have done, but I don’t care what happened that makes you think you’re not worthy of anything good. You deserve everything.” This pulls a haunted laugh from Louis, which encourages the other. “You do. You need to know you are worthy of love and confront. You deserve happiness and...”

“I deserve…” Louis speaks, stopping him in his thought. His throat aches. It’s 1:38. And for the first time, in the distance, a curve in the road. The same curve. The same road. The same time. “I deserve the same fate.” He presses the gas more. 65, 69, 71. “You don’t understand Harry. And you should. You should know how much of a monster I really am. But even I can’t tell you. You just wouldn’t understand.” His voice grows for the air whipping into the car is masking him. “That’s just who you are Harry. You see the good, but never the bad. Just the good.” 72, 73, 74. “I’m not good.” He glances into the rearview. Seeing two figures, both sleeping in uncomfortable positions. The car swerves. But they don’t move.

“You deserve love and comfort and bliss.” The curve is rapidly approaching. “You are just as good as anyone else. You are not all bad Louis. You just did bad things. You are not a bad person. You are more than just good or bad, love. You are passionate and kind.” Harry continues, his voice sounding almost frantic, but still so gentle. “You are lovely, smart, and beautiful. I feel it. I see it in your eyes. You put others first, and you go out of your way to make others feel loved. Please believe me when I say that you deserve nothing less. You should never feel like you're alone. I love you, and you deserve that.”

Louis is fully crying, tears coating his neck and gathering in his hollow collarbones. 74, 74, 72, 69, 67. As he blinks a few tears away, the metal sign is a few feet away and there’s no time. Even when he slams on the break, the car just flings the rocks around, fishtailing in every direction. Harry yells out to Louis. He turns the car, trying to keep with the curve, but the car is going too fast. The tail end makes contact with the sign, ripping the pole from the ground. The right side of the car dips, the back tire is holding no support.

As he tries to regain control of the car, lights shine over the horizon. A van, coming in fast and close. Again. He’s doing it again. His eyes drag to the mirror to see the backseat. The figures were gone, and he is alone in the car. _Good_. At least he won’t hurt them like he did last time. He won’t hurt anyone again.

“Lou, what is going on? Are you okay?” it’s the fastest he’s ever hear Harry talk as he spoke through the car speakers. Louis snapped out of his haze, seconds before the horn of the approaching van blares through his windows, the very tip of his left rear-view mirror merely a few centimeters from the van’s side. The screeching van sails down the road and pass the curve with his horn shrieking. For a second, Louis’ car spins to the side, the back wheels try to grasp some friction. A tree, with low hanging branches and thick bushes around its roots, connects to the passenger side of the car to its trunk. Louis’s heart was crashing against his chest, tears scorching his cheeks.

“Louis! Please, answer me!” Harry was screaming through tears, his voice broken by sobs. The same tone that his mother called when he drove this road, dead in the night, his sisters in the backseat. _A few drinks in his system. He knew he had to drive home. But still he went and drank_. There wasn’t a strong, healthy tree with thick bushes to cushion their landing though. Only a rotten and aged oak.

“Please, Mrs. Surel! I need to borrow your phone. I need to call an ambulance, but I can’t get off the line. If he’s hurt or worse…” a deep cry came through the speakers. “Please answer me Louis, where are you?”

“Harry,” his tongue felt huge in his mouth and tasted like metal. He must have bit it. “Harry.”

“Yes! Yes, Louis! I’m still here. Where are you? I heard honking and a glass shattering.” He’s right, the passenger window was destroyed. “Please tell me where you are so I can send help.”

“Don’t, I’m fine.” Louis says seconds before he coughs. “Don’t call the medics.” Louis groans when he lifts his shoulders. Definitely not 100% okay, but no broken bones. He reaches, turning the key to a dead choking sound from the car, but the lights were still on inside and Harry was still there. “Harry, can you come get me? Please.” He whispers.

“Of course Louis. Of course. Let me get my keys and jacket. Please stay on the line okay love? Don’t hang up, keep talking. Where are you?” Louis looked around, there was only one sign, the beginning of the word sneaking from the branches, illuminated by the moonlight. But he knew this road. Knew every twist, every turn.

“On Newberry, right off of Brooklyn road. The dirt one.” There was typing on the other end, and Harry sighs.

“That’s a twenty five minute drive. I am on my way now. Keep talking to me. Why were you out there this late love?” When Louis didn’t respond right away, Harry panicked. “Louis. Answer me.”

He sighed, the breath echoing in the car. “I was looking,” he paused, playing with the zipper on the hoodie.

“Looking for what?”

“You wouldn’t understand.” Louis said.

“Try me,” This made tears reform. If he told Harry, that was it. He would be unlocking his monster, freeing the beast. Suddenly the car felt like an enclosure, the roof collapsing all over again. Louis unbuckled his seatbelt and opened the car door. With a shaking breath, he took Harry off of the car speaker phone and stepped out, crumpling to the ground in a heap. He took a moment to collect his thoughts, there were so many.

“I was so tired.” He cried, breaking down before he even started. “I didn’t sleep for almost three days, I don’t sleep much. Before or after.”

“After what?” Harry asked, ever so gentle, into his ear.

“After what I did. I knew I had to drive home. But as the time got lost, the later it got, the more they kicked in.” Louis took a breath, and spoke before Harry could ask. “An old friend of mine, he lent me some pills. To help me sleep. And of course I took them, I was so sleep deprived, I felt like the world was disintegrating. And it did.”

He sobbed, until his throat ached and burned. He didn’t even know if Harry could make out what he was saying, he hopes he can’t.

“I forgot about them. My sisters. I totally forgot I had to pick them up. My twin sisters were sleeping over at their friend’s house, but wanted to come home. Apparently they watched a scary movie, and couldn’t handle sleeping in a dark basement.” Louis laughed lightly. “The place they were staying was on the way home. I figured I could take the pills, pick them up, and drive home in time before they kicked in.

“We were on this road. I was driving with the windows down, the girls passed out in the backseat. I thought they would stay awake, still jittery from the movie. But they fell asleep instantly, I guess feeling protected under their brother’s watch.” Louis did laugh out loud this time, the movement sparking pain in his shoulder again. “Oh so fucking wrong.”

Headlights approached, a familiar Range Rover pulling up and the phone clicked off. Harry emerged from the vehicle, long curls pulled back into a bun, and a thick jacket over his pajamas. Louis doesn’t notice how cold he is. Not until he feels the warmth of Harry’s eyes and he’s a sobbing mess all over again, shoulders shaking the second harry makes contact; throwing a jacket over Louis’s shoulders before taking him into the taller man’s arms. Harry murmured soft words, smoothing Louis’s sobs.

“I thought I could make it. I didn’t even know I fell asleep.” Harry’s hands feels like molten lava on Louis, not only scaring this cold away, but completely scorching his body.

“They were killed.” Another sob, this one dry.

Harry knows Louis needs to talk about this, he does. But every sentence aches more than the last, whipping Louis with his past and his mistakes, making him relive these memories.

“What were you looking for out here Louis?”

“Their revenge. Their justice”

“What do you mean love?”

“An eye for an eye,” This obviates Harry’s heart, a dead empty space fills his chest and he lets out a small sob himself.

“Louis, that’s…,”

“And get this, the other guy, who was also killed in the accident; he was drunk. He flew right out of the car, into that ditch down there,” This stops Harry’s hand that was rubbing circles on Louis back. He shifts to look at him. “It is ironic isn’t it?”

“Louis, if he was drunk, he could have easily caused the accident,” Harry tries, but Louis shakes his head. Moving away from the warmth of Harry. The taller man whines, reaching back for Louis, but Louis shifts back more.

“Don’t try to shift the blame. I caused it. I killed all of them.”

“But Louis,”

“No! I’ve accepted it Harry. I’ve accepted my mistakes. I’ve claimed my demons. I know what I did was my fault, and I’ve earned whatever the universe is waiting to dish out.”

“You _deserve_ love and comfort and happiness.” Harry whispers. “I love you, everyone you know loves you, and you deserve that.” Louis scoffs, again moving from Harry’s embrace and he doesn’t let Harry pull him back in.

“Stop. How can you say that? I killed my sisters.”

Harry watched him with sorrow full eyes, and realized this old dirt road was left with two things: a damaged tree and a broken boy.

 

_Divorce? That’s what she said, isn’t it? Fifteen years of marriage for what? He took the bottle nested in the passenger seat and takes another swig, wiping the liquid from in his beard. Divorce? He’s been a good husband. Hasn’t he? He has brought home paychecks every week, fixed most of the holes in the roof, and loved his wife._

_Dark, dark roads. He has been traveling them for a few hours, the gas dial dipped closer to empty. Music streamed through the car, rocked his ear drums, but it was better than thinking. Every thought earned a drink. How many thoughts did he have tonight?_

_The old road held its characters, trees with low hanging branches, eerie silence, and tons of potholes. One huge hole fell under the right tire, and sent his bottle to the floor. In anger, he reached down, trying to chase the flask with drunk_ _fingers. The speaker blared music into his ears. The notes drowned the horns and yells, shaded the lights, and by the time he pulled back up, contact was already made to the back of the car._

_A small car, completely opposite of his truck. So it swerved with less effort, until it hit a tree. His truck didn’t take as much damage, as he observed once he pulled over and examined the outside. Almost as an after thought, he saw the other car, resting against the tree, smoke came from the caved-in engine.. He walked over, seeing the brown haired boy in the driver side. His forehead was against the wheel, red streams dripped down the side, but his chest rose in a silent battle to stay alive._

_“Are you okay?” the man asked, in a slur. Too many thoughts tonight. He opened the door, the car beeped in responds, filling the silence of the forest. 1:41 A.M. shined on the dash board. The man clicked the seat belt, and heaved the boy to the gravel. His body fell into a heap, but he didn’t wake._

_911\. I should call the police. Fear spiked through him. No, no police. If I go to jail, she’ll never give me a second chance. Within his panic, he made his way back to the truck, “I’ll call when I get father away, yes. An anonymous call.”_

_A creaking noise interrupted his thoughts, and a branch cascaded onto the car, crushing the back of the car into a wreck of metal._

_"I just saved that boy,” the man formed a smile. He opened the driver door of his truck, remembering to call the medics when he gets a mile away, but his footing failed him and he slipped. Tumbling down the deep ditch towards the trunks of the trees. His temple make forceful contact with a sharp rock and his world meets a darker black than that silent forest._

 

Heat throws itself into Louis’ face as he sits curled up in Harry’s front seat. His mind is numb and his throat has never felt so sweltering. _E_ verything is hollow but his heart as he listens. Harry grips the steering wheel, the music absent from the car and replaced by words falling from soft lips.

“You deserve the sun when it rises in the morning, only here to shine for you. You deserve the rain that falls from the dark sky and waters the flowers, which pale in beauty compared to you. You deserve the world’s every waking second, everyone who gets to know you is filled with wonder.

“You deserve all the love. You deserve the happiness someone is going to give you for the rest of your life. Because I can guarantee you’ll be giving them enough to last more than one life time.”

Silent tears cloud Louis’ vision as he stares at Harry, who is driving like he’s not changing Louis’ entire world. He looks out the window to see if it is safe to turn down Louis’ street and nonchalantly continues, “You are worthy of every melody that any instrument can play. You deserve to laugh on a daily basis. _Please_ laugh every day. Because I’ve never heard such a beautiful sound in the ancient, unsympathetic history of this Earth.

“And most importantly,” he pulls into the driveway of Louis loft, his curtained windows dark like the rest of them. “You deserve yourself. Love yourself and discover peace. You deserve every day. And every minute. And every moment. Tackle the demons and live forever accepting, not only your mistakes, but your accomplishments, your goals, the rest of your live. You are _worthy_.”

Louis rips the blanket from his body and dives to the other side of the car, enveloping harry into a hug. Bone crushing, light-in-the-dark kind of hug.

“I couldn’t possibly deserve you,”

“Yes. Yes, you do.”


End file.
